Review: Gentlemen Prefer Succubi (The Succubus Diaries #1) by Jill Myles

 

Who Knew An Angel Could Get A Girl In So Much Devilish Trouble?

Jackie Brighton woke up in a Dumpster this morning, and her day has only gotten weirder. Her familiar B-cups have somehow become double Ds, her sex drive is insatiable, and apparently she had her first one-night stand ever...with a fallen angel. All she remembers is gorgeous Noah's oddly hypnotic blue eyes...and then a dark stranger whose bite transformed her into an immortal siren with a sexy Itch.

With help from Noah, Jackie begins to adapt to her new lifestyle -- until she accidentally sends Noah into the deadly clutches of the vampire queen and lands herself in a fierce battle for an ancient halo with the queen's wickedly hot right hand man. Who just happens to be the vampire who originally bit her. How's a girl supposed to save the world when the enemy's so hard to resist?

My Review:

My expectations for Gentlemen Prefer Succubi were extremely high, and had this not been the case, I would have thoroughly enjoyed this book.

First we meet Jackie, a docent (fancy word for museum tour guide) who wakes up in a Dumpster. Her memory is a bit hazy of just how she ended up there, so she retraces her steps to discover the truth. 

Jackie finds out after a drunken night out, she has been bitten by a vampire and then had a one night stand with a fallen angel. She’s been a busy girl, but this is not the worrisome part. Turns out when this combination occurs to a person, they essentially die and come back as a succubus (female)/incubus (male). There are rules to her new life she learns the hard way, as Remy, her ‘mentor’ succubus doesn’t bother to sit down with her and educate her on all the details. 

We quickly find out who Jackie’s angel (Serim) maker is: Noah. A really prim and proper guy – though he’s sexy as hell. For some reason, I imagine him looking like Simon Baker.

She can’t get enough of him, and his sweet nature has her head over heels. One thing about makers, Succubus obey them unconditionally – something that doesn’t sit well with Jackie.

Later on, Jackie meets Zane, a vampire who is the typical bad boy we can’t get enough of, complete with a black leather trench coat. We see the workings of a love triangle between Noah, Jackie, and Zane– and you know I’m a sucker for those! :)

But before the triangle fun part can start, there are a few things Jackie must contend with in her new life. First, her body undergoes a huge transformation. She sheds her obese (*rolls eyes*) size 14 body and whittles down to a smaller size 6. She also goes from a size B bust to double D’s and her hair turns red. Next she learns she must have sex to survive. It is a constant itch she must scratch or perish. Her eyes, a normal gray, turn bright blue when she must feed (have sex), and no one in her path is safe when this happens – though she doesn’t act on her impulses :(

Jackie inadvertently stumbles into an age old war between the vampires and angels and finds herself working both sides as she’s dragged into doing favors for the separate factions. On one side, Jackie’s got a crazed vampire queen who wants Jackie to give her an angel’s halo with untold powers, and on the other is a mightier-than-thou angel who wants to use the halo to cleanse the world. Throw in the sexy and irresistible Noah and Zane and you’ve got Jackie asking: what’s a newly made succubus to do? 

Gentlemen Prefer Succubi was at times a funny and good read, but for some reason, there are some character inconsistencies I couldn’t get past. Working in a museum, I expected Jackie to be  like the only other museum diva I could compare her to: Evie from The Mummy!

I thought Jackie was going to be intelligent, resourceful, and have an amazing understanding of history that would come in handy at an opportune time. Not to mention she’d be cute and a bit clumsy, the kind of gal pal you’d love to hang with. Jackie however is nothing like Evie, and I found Jackie’s ignorance quite irritating at times. Her ‘voice’ is that of a sarcastic, brainless valley girl, and I have no clue how in the world she got a job in a museum in the first place.

Also. when her succubus transformation hit, I thought she’d go all boy crazy and put the new body she got to use.

I mean when you’ve been denied something for so long, and you first get it, you go crazy with it! LOL Not Jackie, she becomes more of a prude and complains about her cursed sexual appetite. Even her succubus ‘mentor’ Remy Summore is a porn star and Jackie is disgusted by what Remy does, stating she can’t separate love from sex. *sad julie*

Noah is also depicted as being so prim and proper, yet in Jackie’s hour of need, he ‘services’ her in a church confessional. When Jackie is yelling, “Oh, God!” Noah tells her not to say the name there. I guess that was his proper side ‘coming’ out. LOL 

I also didn’t care for the constant comments Remy and Jackie make on how disgusting and fat they were before becoming  succubi, and how everyone around them is so beneath them now that they are so beautiful – like the ‘disgusting nerds’ and ‘dirty truckers’ they encounter. You’d think since they were on the other side of the fence, they wouldn’t judge people based on appearance – tough luck there.

Also, for Jackie being basically turned into a creature controlled by her most basest desires, the sex in this book isn’t kinky at all – not even a good ol’ trusty oral scene *sad julie*

But I can’t resist a fast read, especially if it has a paranormal love triangle. Also, being a fan of Simon Baker, I’ll continue with the series, setting aside my expectations and hopefully the sex will improve in the next book!

Remy pulled into the parking lot in her tiny BMW and beamed at me. “Ready for some fun?”

I was actually ready for a bite to eat, but since I’d declined to eat at our pit stop, it seemed silly to ask for food now. Ignoring my rumbling stomach, I asked, “What sort of fun are we going to have, exactly?”

“We’re going shopping, of course.” She got out of the car and moved around to my side, since I hadn’t budged.

I rolled down my window a crack and peered up at her. “It’s been a weird couple of days; I just had sex in a church not long ago; I haven’t slept in two days. Not to mention my job’s probably wondering where I’m at.” 

I was trying not to think about work. Julianna would be furious that I had another unexcused absence. “I’m not exactly having a great streak here. Can we do this some other time?”

Undeterred, Remy opened my door and waited for me to get out. “That’s the beauty of a twenty-four-hour mall, my friend. All shopping, all the time, and enough time to get it all in. If you smell bad, we can stop by a bathroom first and you can mop up anything that Noah left behind.”

Ouch. She had a potty mouth. I flinched and got out of the car, albeit very reluctantly. “I’m really tired,” I tried.

“Horseshit,” Remy announced in a singsong voice. “We don’t get tired.”

“We don’t?”

She shook her head and dragged me by the arm toward the glass double doors in the distance. “Sucks don’t need to sleep. Vamps do, Serim do, but we don’t sleep a wink. It’s odd at first, but you get used to it.”

I was horrified. “We don’t sleep? At all?”

“I haven’t slept a wink in four hundred years.”

This was a nightmare of vast proportions. I loved sleeping. There’s nothing better than diving under the sheets and snuggling into some dreams of yourself and your favorite actor. 

“This just keeps getting worse and worse,” I complained as we stepped into the brightly lit mall. I squinted at the light and turned to look at Remy. “Anything else you want to tell me? Do I turn into a hooker at the full moon?  Should  I  avoid  people  with  garlic  around  their  necks?  Or—wait—since we’re succubuses, should we avoid people with birth control?” 

Remy giggled at my ranting. “You’re quite the funny girl, you know that? I’m so glad you’re one of us.” She patted my hand and threaded my arm through hers as if we’d been best friends since grade school. “Like I said, I’ve been the only Suck in New City for quite some time, so it does get a bit lonely.”

She’d avoided my question, but I decided not to press the issue. If she was laughing at my concerns, maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. “So why don’t you move, if you don’t like New City?”

She shook her head. “Can’t. My masters are here. Both of ’em. So here I stay.”

I eyed the Gap with longing as she steered me away from it, an expression of distaste on her striking features. I hitched my sweatpants up around my waist again. “Masters? Kind of like an I-Dream-of-Jeannie thing?” I wasn’t too keen on that idea. “I’m not real good with being all submissive and stuff.”

Remy shrugged and led me toward Frederick’s of Hollywood, which sank my spirits almost as much as her next words. “It’s just the roll of the dice, I’m afraid. Since you were created by a vampire and a Serim, you have to answer to both.” She gave me an odd look. “Didn’t you notice that you couldn’t contradict anything that Noah told you?”

I had noticed that. My spirits plummeted. “I have to do everything he tells me to?” Then visions of handcuffs and kinky sex games rolled through my mind, and sweat beaded on my forehead. 

“’Fraid so, but you’re lucky. Noah’s a good guy. He won’t abuse you or anything.”

“And the other guy? The vampire?”

“Who can say?”

At my stricken look, she patted my hand. “Don’t worry. If the vamp turns out to be an unsavory sort, you just avoid him. He can’t tell you what to do if he can’t find you, right?”

“Right,” I echoed. “Is that what you do? Avoid yours?”

She  shrugged  and began  to flip through a rack of clothing in the back of the store. Frederick’s of Hollywood was crammed full of lacy undergarments in all shades of red, pink, and black, and I’d never noticed that they carried clothing, too. I’d never been shopping in here before—no sense in sticking a bikini on a sausage.

The store was empty this early in the day, except for one yawning salesgirl who flipped through a magazine at the counter, Jamba Juice in hand.

“Sometimes I avoid them,” Remy was saying, pulling out a bright blue top  with  some  fuzzy  crap  around  the collar.

I had to think back to what she meant. Oh yes, masters.

“Most of the time, though, we just have an understanding.” She held the top against my chest and nodded.

“You should definitely dress in brighter colors. Gray  is  so  blah.  And  sweats?  Burn  them,  girl.  Only  fat  slobs wear sweats.” 

I flinched at that and tried to hand the fluffy top back to her. “You’re not going to find anything in my size here, Remy. We should go somewhere else.” This was going to be downright humiliating, once she realized I was one of the fat, sweats-wearing slobs. Remy just started piling miniskirts and slinky bodysuits into my arms.

“You’re wrong. I’m a pretty good judge of flesh.” She winked at me. “And you’re a size six, I’d say.”

“Uh, you meant to put a one in front of that number, didn’t you?” Okay, so I was closer to a 14, but I could border into unfriendly territory during certain times of the month.

“Nope.” She shoved me toward the dressing room. “Go try this stuff on. If you’re going  out  with  me tomorrow, you have to dress appropriately.”

“I’m going out with you tomorrow?” Who the heck agreed to that one?

“Don’t try to change the subject. Get dressed.” She flung a few hangers of lacy panties at me and ignored my question. “What bra size are you?”

“Remy—” I began.

She cut me off. “Do you like these panties?” They were crotchless.

I cringed. “You want me to try on underpants?”

“No, dummy. Just put on one pair and we’ll buy the rest.” She snorted and tossed more undergarments my way. “Rube.”

“Remy!” I repeated, standing there clutching my pants around my waist. “I’m not trying these on.”

Remy rolled her eyes. “I suppose I’m going to have to do everything for you. You look pretty pathetic right now, you know that?” She turned away and waved to the salesgirl. “Excuse me, but my friend here needs to be measured for a bra. Her tits are overflowing.”

Her voice was loud enough to carry into the mall. I wanted to die right then and there. Instead, I slammed the dressing room door shut and wondered if there was a way to escape before she forced me to try the clothes on.

[ . . .]

Remy knocked on the door. “It got quiet in there. You okay?”

“I don’t look like me anymore,” I said, turning in the mirror. 

“Yeah, I know. Like I said, there’s a few perks with the job. I was as fat as a Christmas turkey before I changed.” Remy sounded amused. “You get used to it, and then you start to enjoy it. Trust me.”

I ran my hands down my new gorgeous body. I could almost live with the forced “sex every week” thing if this was the trade-off.

Almost.

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Rating: