Let’s Talk about BDSM. Handcuffs, Whips and Chains, Oh My

Hello, Fellow Readers! Thinking of getting into BDSM reads, but not quite sure what it is, or what is stands for? Here's a few words on the matter and some recommended reads you'll be sure to enjoy!

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BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission or D/s, and sadism and masochism or S&M (Sing it Rihanna!  Whips and chains excite me too!) . It can be any combination of these or just part and still be considered BDSM.  Meaning it can just be Dominance and submission or just bondage and discipline and still be BDSM.  Sadism and masochism definitely exists, but you’ll see it much less in BDSM erotica. 
 

My favorite? Dominance and submission.  This can be very subtle, where only voice commands are used; all the way to being tied up, blindfolded with a spreader bar between one of the partners legs.  There is an incredible power exchange between partners in this kind of sexual role-play.   There can be dominance 24/7, as in a Master-slave relationship or D/s only in the bedroom and sometimes it’s somewhere in between.  It may be necessary for the Dom (Dominant; Domme for a female Dominant) to be in the position of power to feel sexually excited or he may just enjoy the sex more when in that role. 

 

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Generally, for the submissive, letting go of all responsibility in her own pleasure can be sexually liberating.  Oftentimes  many submissives may not be able to get out of their head enough to orgasm during “vanilla” or regular sex.  Surprisingly, it’s the submissive that holds all of the power in a D/s relationship.  The Dom can’t proceed without consent.  Safe, sane, and consensual are cardinal rules in BDSM culture.   

 

Which brings me to the “safe word.” A safe word is a word that the submissive can utter to bring all play to a stop.  It may be “Red”, which brings an immediate halt to all play, “Yellow”, which brings the play to a slow and partners talk about what is going wrong then decide where to go from there.  Or it may be a word of completely of the Dom and sub’s choosing, like “Romeo”.   The power exchange can be so powerful to read, it can be cathartic for the sub.  I’ve even read some hot BDSM where the Dom refused to tie his sub up, stating he’d use his body for restraint.  The sub asked over and over to be tied up, but he refused and since she was “topping from the bottom” or trying to decide what will be done sexually, he punished her.

 

This is where bondage and discipline come in.  How did that Dom discipline his sub?  He withheld orgasms.  He pleasured her and pleasured her, but wouldn’t let her come. Oh! The Torture!  Dom’s tend to be very in tune to physical signals.  They often know when a sub will orgasm before the sub does.  Discipline can also mean spankings, whips, caning, humiliation, and more.  People often wonder why anyone would subject themselves to that kind of punishment.  The reason is simple.

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Physical punishment leads to an endorphin release that puts the sub in “subspace”, a heady drug-like experience that puts you out of your head and into your body.  You just feel.  Bondage is pretty self-explanatory.  Many vanilla couples experiment with bondage a time or two, but often it allows the Dom to be in complete control and the sub to have no choice but to physically submit.  Physical submission is very different than psychological submission, which is where the discipline comes into play.  When Discipline is given, it can often assist in that emotional and psychological submission.


Sadism and Masochism in some ways is part of giving and receiving punishment, as anyone giving or receiving punishment would have to enjoy a little of one or the other.  But there are hard core Sadists and Masochists that only like to give or receive pain.  This is a very specific subculture that I haven’t seen reflected in mainstream BDSM literature.
 
So readers, give BDSM a try, I think you might like it.  If you don’t, try Romantica on for size.  There’s a nut for every squirrel.   If you have any questions, email me at readourlips.m@gmail.com.  I’d be happy to help you along.


Some starter BDSM recommended reads:

Master of the Mountain by Sherise Sinclair

Bottoms Up by Miranda Baker

Graceful Submission by Melinda Barron

The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton

My One by January Rowe

Some more involved BDSM once you wet your palate:

The entire ShadowlandsSeries by Cherise Sinclair

Books 1,4 & 5 of Wicked Lovers Series by Shayla Black

Pleasure’s Edge by Eve Berlin

Kidnapped For Christmas by Evangeline Anderson

Into His Keeping by Gail Faulkner

Comfort Object by Annabelle Joseph

When You’re Ready to jump in the Deep End:

Comfort Food by Kitty Thomas –  a great read, and if you survive this and are hungry for more, email me and we’ll chat so that I can come up with something that you (and possibly I) will enjoy!

Happy Reading!